stay beautiful

i used to be lost. i thought i knew where i was going, but i didnt. not at all. i thought i could save myself. i thought i was on top of the world, like when youre driving in the car and music is playing really loud. its fun and its reckless and you feel invincible. yeah, like that feeling. i felt like that. but i didnt look ahead, i was driving in darkness. coz the train i always followed finally came off its tracks. and i wasnt invincible anymore. i was tired, tired of trying to hold people up, to keep myself taut. i didnt have the strength to run anymore. and i got hit. now i need you. you hit me harder than any force imaginable. i cant describe the impact you had. i hated you. you were hell in the form of heaven. and i hated you so very much for that. you wanted to take away that invincible feeling. switch off my inner light. and you did. but then you suprised me. you replaced it with something better than i could ever imagine. this floating happy feeling that is my new default, it makes me so happy i could cry. but i need you, forever and ever. im not broken, not lost, but you have to be here. you are the headlights when im driving in the dark, the voice of reason in my head when i think about those tempting final breaths. you found me, saved me when i was drowning and i didnt even know. im not invincible, not at all. contrary even. broken. and then you fixed me. stay beautiful. without you im nothing. and i was nothing for such a long long time.