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i have a new domain. with pictures.
i am still blogging, i just broadened my horizons.


xoxo

the spaces between my fingers are where yours fit perfectly.

i am missing something from inside of me. it's like putting the washing on and then realising you forgot the powder. its fighting battles with my heart and my mind, struggling to choose which lead to follow. well i cant follow either, sometimes choosing isn't a possibility. you have to be a little bit of everything. sometimes i lie on my driveway and press my chest to the bricks where your car used to be.it's not calming, but it makes me feel alive again. i can hear my heart beating and the steady thud gets louder and louder, louder than sirens, louder than bells. i cant hear myself speak anymore, my inner voices rage up inside me and the noise is tearing me up on the inside. ive become my thoughts, become the unsaid words in my head that spit back and forth like paper planes. i wanted to dissapear. and now i have. is it as sweet for you as it is for me? i just wanted to get away from all the battles, all the conflict and confusion. because you overwhelm me.my dress sparkles in the night and often i ride my bike up and down the alleyways when the sun is gone and you with it. in my dress, and i am not alone. not one night have i been alone. but not another soul is with me. i bet you don't understand. no eyes see, and no ears hear, i will never tell what goes on.but it's okay. because i can't. because im gone. and i can see you, but you can't see me. such is life.

you broke that promise years ago.

you see suns that never were and stare at skies that dont exist. you listen to music never played and read books never written. and your mind is so beautiful and full. how i wish it were mine. for you the stars will shine always, there will always be someone to tuck you into bed at night. how i envy you. for you the tide is never out too far, the sun never too hot. the way you walk is how i dance. you dance the way i move in my dreams. you are unnatainble, that rainbow always out of arms reach. your presence is intoxicating and you catch the eyes of all the earth. you are the earth, you are the wind, your existence is temporary, and when i wake up, you go into hiding.

she wrote love on her arms

"It didn’t matter in the end how old they had been, or that they were girls, but only that we had loved them, and that they hadn’t heard us call; still do not hear us, calling out of those rooms where they went to be alone for all time, alone in self hate, which is deeper than death, and where we will never find the pieces to put them back together."

a thousand times. it's ok.

are you tired yet? of playing games? i am. my heart is a record and it broke. its stuck. not even in reverse. do you still want me? you are worth the fight. but this isnt even a fight anymore. its a test. a game. well i like playing games. but you make me scared that im going to lose. sometimes i want someone to smother my breaths. to turn off the light that is my life. because i cant care if im not here can i? i wont miss the times we had. i dont look forward to anything. you took away my hope. your smile takes me to the top of a mountain and leaves me stranded there. i ran out of ideas. i want to shut my eyes forever. coz then i wont have to care anymore. i cant care if im gone can i? but would you follow me into the darkness? would you seek what you had lost? i bet you'd feel bad for playing games. you didnt care. not enough. because you made me feel this way. i need rescuing, clearly im drowning. if you cared you would help me. right now you you are undecided.im still waiting for you to feel something. something that actually means that you care. please. you dont know how much i want somebody to care. i dont mind if you play games. i dont mind if you shatter my heart into a million tiny pieces with each word that i wish was for me. i want you to save me. i dont want to disapear. not if you care. because thats what really matters isnt it? care. to care is to love. and sometimes its the love that carries us through.

the stars looked like burning sparks. the lights were warm but chilling. you left me feeling; tired. could not close my eyes. on fire. but frozen inside. to run or to hide. speechless. my words could not melt. whisper. i wanted to shout. without you i felt. like a setting sun. like a last goodbye. like an incomplete lullaby.

stay beautiful

i used to be lost. i thought i knew where i was going, but i didnt. not at all. i thought i could save myself. i thought i was on top of the world, like when youre driving in the car and music is playing really loud. its fun and its reckless and you feel invincible. yeah, like that feeling. i felt like that. but i didnt look ahead, i was driving in darkness. coz the train i always followed finally came off its tracks. and i wasnt invincible anymore. i was tired, tired of trying to hold people up, to keep myself taut. i didnt have the strength to run anymore. and i got hit. now i need you. you hit me harder than any force imaginable. i cant describe the impact you had. i hated you. you were hell in the form of heaven. and i hated you so very much for that. you wanted to take away that invincible feeling. switch off my inner light. and you did. but then you suprised me. you replaced it with something better than i could ever imagine. this floating happy feeling that is my new default, it makes me so happy i could cry. but i need you, forever and ever. im not broken, not lost, but you have to be here. you are the headlights when im driving in the dark, the voice of reason in my head when i think about those tempting final breaths. you found me, saved me when i was drowning and i didnt even know. im not invincible, not at all. contrary even. broken. and then you fixed me. stay beautiful. without you im nothing. and i was nothing for such a long long time.

vogue

sunlit coral, christian dior and istanbul cabaranas. how i want it all.

maybe thats exactly what you want.

well its abit of everything. the way you see me is different to how i see you. when i grow up, when i leave this town, you realise im not coming back. you had your chance, the light was on but you switched it off. The sun will always rise, even if you don't happen to be there. i wish i that i wasnt so real, so easy to hurt. To be the wind, the air, the earth beneath my feet, or the stars in the sky, anything thats not here, not me. Im following my dreams, realising all my wishes and desires, and well, i cant do that here- not with you. some things i choose to forget, i choose who i see, and i see who i choose to believe. Do you wish you could take back what you said? i bet you will when im falling from so high. i hope you cry at night, that you know with all your heart what you did. i dont hurt anymore, i just want a little revenge. in reality i shall be gone, but in your mind i will stay with you forever. ill be the breeze that comes in your window when its hot at night, the sound of your smiths album on repeat, ill be there always. in your eyes, under your skin. the sound you make, the picture you see. and even though ill be a million miles away in a different world, know that ill be laughing. laughing always. payback's a bitch, and when i die, youre going to fall apart.i promise. and that makes me laugh so very very hard.

i want to breathe you back like valium.

kingdom of hearts

its unreasonable. it doesnt make sense anymore. the fan in my room is spinning overhead and the whooshing noise is making me dizzy. i shut my eyes and i can see little circles in my vision. i hate you so very much. somehow you got inside my head and turned my thoughts upside down. i dont believe in you, i dont believe we should be friends. i dont want you to love me, i dont even want you to like me, but be fair. I cant run away from you, blood is thicker than water see. the tinkle of your keys as you unlock the door sends me into a frenzy, i cant breathe, i cant think. all i want to do is escape. dont you know that you tread on my heart with every word that you spit at me? in the story you are the dragon. the dragon that the prince has to rescue the princess from. well guess what, i am the princess. my knight in shining armour doesnt understand though. He doesnt see how much you hurt me, how much you tear me up inside with your spiteful words and disgusted looks. go on, hurt me then. scream at me louder than anyone has ever screamed before. take away everything i have, hit me, hurt me, do anything, do something. just don't say nothing. don't hate me silently. you give me whiplash with your moods, my mind is like my fan, always spinning in circles. i need you to stop, please. like the fan, flick the switch. turn off your hate. i didnt do anything to deserve this.

death from above 1979

"well sometimes when im lying in bed at night, i think about life and i think about death, and well, neither of them particularly appeal to me" - the smiths.
I am particularly taken with the idea of hating everything recently. I absolutely hate the things that everybody else likes so much, and then it makes me happy to get excited and fall totally head over heels in love with the small things that nobody else even notices, let alone admires. i like laughing until i cry and clouds that form in lines. i like glass top coffee tables and sugar packets with music notes decorating the border. i like vintage bicycles and books with cursive text. i hate you if you like the same things as me, simply because i pointed thme out. like what appeals to you, don't take on another persons identity okay. read a different magazine, take the other flight of stairs. there is a road to be walked, and id quite like to walk it alone thanks.im not nice like that, i don't want to put up your company if you irritate me like the mosquito's by my front gate. sometimes im nice to people simply out of despise. when i smile and help somebody out, sometimes, on the inside im mocking them and hating every inch of their appearance. Im not exactly transparent, but i like that. i like it when people think they know me, because to me, it gives me such advantage. if somebody categorises you a certain way, the cant possibly expect you to turn around and do the opposite. which makes it so very very fun to do just that. oh you hate me, oh you love me. i think you should get on a train and buy a ticket to a place far far away.i don't like your style. because its not your style at all. it's mine. now incase you missed the looks ive been sending you over the table, i'd like you to leave thanks.

and do you lie awake at night too?

if you wrong us, will we not want revenge?

last night i dreamed that it was over, that the show had finally come to an end. The credits of my life were screening and in my head all i could hear was the hollow thunk of the film being spit out of the camera onto the cutting room floor. i didnt ask for the impossible, its not like i was reaching for the stars? it was nothing really. i didnt think so anyway. not to me. you took away the side of me that cares. i want to wear white stockings and a rainbow coloured dress. then im going to stand by the edge of the sea and smoke one hundred cigarettes, one after the other. til i cant even speak anymore. because theyre so very very bad for you, you know? its fun sometimes, to do things that you know arent good, to only do it for the moment. to screw around with life. stupid, reckless yeah, but only if you value your life. and well, guess what, i dont. id like to jump off the golden gate bridge dressed in flowing white, with flowers in my hair and i want someone to take a picture of it. then i wont be present. i will be gone.

take my hand

"is that what you dream about? being a monster?" "not exactly", i said, "mostly i dream about being with you forever."

she killed it with kisses and from it she fled.

there is no reason to feel this way. i want to get lost in an andy warhol lifestyle; i want to capture how i feel on film. I want to be the change id like in the world. except, i don't really want to change the world, just how i see it. if i shut my eyes im somewhere else. not here in this suffocating blase routine perth life, in my dreams im in new york maybe, or switzerland. somewhere fascinating and exciting. i dont like the fact that i can lose what i love most. Some things are irreplaceable, and i dont want to feel the hurt that comes with losing. but i wont let that stop me. sometimes i just want to do anything that will make me feel alive. Running through cobbled streets and swinging around lampposts in the rain while i ruin my shoes will make me happy and its a feeling i cant capture on camera. I can't grab it, slip it in my pocket later for reminiscing. when its over, it's gone. nothing can bring it back. i want to wear a million dollar white dress with diamonds on the hem, and then i shall wear no makeup except for blackest of black mascara. Then i shall drink champagne and wear it to the shops or school. i want to get high and run along the railway or climb to the top of the highest mountain without ropes. Every day, every minute, every second, im living life. i want to wake up in a penthouse on the top of a hotel in manhattan and jump on the bed because its so ridiculously expensive which makes it fun to treat it like its nothing. I like girls that dress up when there's nothing special happening, i like boys that know about history and films. i like buying expensive chocolates and champagne and then eating them at the skate park, coz its all about contrast. I dont like people that change their voices when they say something important, it's not real, you know? You cant depend on something that changes. then again, i am in love with everything thats intangible. like rainbows and the mountains and the wind, im in love with the sun that sends brightly coloured lights skittering accross shiny surfaces, like facing a cd into the sun. I wish i could do ballet and sit in a telephone box in main street while it rains. it would be red like the ones in london, and there would be black numbers on the telephone. i dont like art museums, but i like it when they have art displays in modern architecture. Abstract art, but not of people. i dont like paintings of people at all, especially not in houses. i like black nails and people with inspirational attitudes, they give you hope you know. I like it when someone shows no desire to be anything other than what they are, it makes everything more real; more genuine. Life isn't a game, you dont either win or lose. It's not about always trying to race other people, one person cant always have the perfect score in life. Nobody has that. im not trying to find anything better than what i have now. thats all i want out of life. to be happy with what i have. To be able to do what i like with no inhibitions and let other people's expectations fall away. to be excited about the small things, the things that everybody else overlooks and they go unnoticed. those things are what make me happy. Like expensive french towels and lindt chocolates, the finer things in life. i like crystal champagne glasses and pillow arrangements on king size beds. i like shiny pine floors and silver netting on my ceiling. Id like a starfish for my very own, to keep on my desk between my san pellegrino bottles and my melanie la'brooy book collection. i like japanese geishas ad silver anklets, i like wearing a locket that somebody else has the key to. Sometimes i wish i was cassie from skins, but then sometimes i kinda dont. Coz i dont want to be anyone else other than my self you know? i dont like that. i like me with my extensive vocabulary, and kaleidescope view, and you with your history books and your shining, shining eyes.

hate me, i absolutely dare you.

it's like smelling fresh cut grass or being in the back of a convertible under the stars. or returning home from a long trip or just driving with no destination in summer. Its like the feeling you get when you get an A on your report card and your parents tell you how proud they are. Its the surreal feeling you get standing underneath the japanese lights sparkling in the night, the taste of your favourite mango dressing drizzled over your salad. or when you hear your whole family laugh together, or perhaps the whooshing of a tunnel when you drive through with the windows down. Its like when you have a fun flirtatious phone conversation with the guy that you really like and its costing soo much but it makes you so damn happy. Its the feeling of talking to an old friends after a month or two, yet the two of you are still as close as ever. its like the feeling you get when you hear your favourite childhood song on the radio for the first time in years, you turn it up and feel so alive. Its wearing your new shoes out for the first time, knowing that you look so good in them and it makes you smile to yourself, or that feeling of going up in an elevator, like all your insides tured into live wires and are sparking in your tummy. Its like the way your heart flips during your first true kiss, or the way it feels so nice and warm to hold someones hand when youre lying on the beach at night and there is nobody else around but you two. Or when you drive around in the front seat of that car that belongs to the boy you like, and even though you should feel scared beyond control coz hes driving so fast and stupid, yet you feel so safe and alive. yeah, that feeling. the way you make me feel, feels good to me.

why dont you just sit right down and stay a while?

love is the scars on your knees, the leftover food in your refrigerator, the songs the birds sing. It is the pain you inflict, the sweet nothingness which flutters from your lover's mouth. Love is a half complete cigarette, diet coke that fizzles on your tongue, the rainbow sprinkles on your cupcake. The battered package you recieved in the mail the other day, the sound of wind escaping through a small gap in your window, the dampness in your hair. Love resembles the chipped red varnish on your fingernails, your grandmothers musical box. The ballet shoes youve had since you were five, the music playing on your car stereo, the flaky paint on your walls, the bubblegum stuck under desks. Love is the tooth fairy, your hands and the things you can make with them, the kisses you blow, the clothes that you wear. Love is 5am morning thinking, your sensitive teeth, the tangles in your lovers hair. Those sleepless nights, overdosing on pain killers,, undeserved success and recognition, telling lies and not getting caught. Love is blacking out from consuming too much alcohol, being desired by multiple parties, solving a mathematic problem, watching the peope around you, watching the people around you screwing up their lives. It's screaming out of your window in the middle of the night, flaming your lovers ex, make up sex, smudged mascara, dishevelled hair and smeared lipstick, the coffee and toast you consume on a daily basis, little children, silence, recyclable materials, trees, photosynthesis, development and fairy lights strung through the trees.
No, love is you, i, and a careless mixture of everything else we think about.

she screams in the night

i hope that someday ill be stuck in the back of your mind, and youll be going crazy in the middle night. you wont be able to get comfortable or fall asleep because there will be a mistake you made years ago and it's eating away at you. And you won't remember what that mistake was.But you'll be thinking about me at the same time, and how much you love me. and you will never put the two together. And when you see me, you will be frozen in your tracks. And ill be able to walk through you like you do to me. it will feel so good to be the one in charge. And when that day comes i will go home and shut the door behind me and laugh uncontrollably. ill shake and ill cry as i laugh. then i can lie down on the persian rug and listen to some lovely music, while i let my heart slow and die. and it will all be perfect.

oh, it's such a shame

'she was gorgeous and i was dopey. i was hopelessly boring whereas she was endlessly fascinating. so i walked back to my room and collapsed on my bottom bunk thinking that if people were rain- i was drizzle and she was a hurricane.'

follow you home, you have your headphones on and youre dancing.

youre new to the game but ill use any excuse to make you stay a while. an insight into what lies beyond, past what you can see and touch. im not a view you can admire, nor a text to analyse. i dont follow a routine, life is the thing that keeps me on my toes. i like breathing in and out on counts of seven and listening to songs with no music. its like words strung together in such a fashion that it creates a melody in your mind. i like new places and i like old places. new is exciting, it installs a hope in you, a hope that this will be the place in which everything becomes right. that this is the highest of the highs, somewhere where everything fits into place. new can be anything. new can be what you need, it can be what you want. i want to sit under a white archway in the middle of a amphitheatre one hundred miles from here. i'll wear a white dress with plain white heels and ill shut my eyes and breathe. the echo of my breathing sounds like the ocean, rythmic and predictable. its something to hold to, to depend on when everything else falls away. its like standing in the middle of a battlefield, you know that life can be taken away from you at any point. everything youve ever known, every dream, every hope, every wish. I like night time more than day. at night i say a thousand million things i wouldnt dare utter under the harsh glare of the sun. Like being caught in the headlights, open, exposed, out in the light for everyone to see. i dont like that. i want to live in a house by the sea with white lace curtains and a pine wood ceiling. i shall have all white furniture like queen victoria with big archways and marble floors. there will be never ending music, not like the type you hear on the radio. but the life music, the type you cant record. yeah it's intangible. i find solace in the intangibles in this world, there's something comforting about not being able to predict when something comes or where it will be. Its like the wind, you cant see it, but you can feel it all around you. surrounding us, like the love that brings two people together, thats why it hurts when love goes away. There is no love in routine. love is unpredictable, not reckless, but nothing you can categorize. thats why i like being in love, you cant make it happen anymore than you can bring someone back to life. it is just the result of an exciting passion fueled, unstoppable force which ties me to you with invisible threads of silk, stitching us together at the seams. inseperable. you know so much more than i, you intrigue me with your words, and i feel like i'm living a dream. i wish sometimes that i was more like you. that i knew more about the world , more about life, that i learned more from my mistakes. yet there is something so glorious in the unknown. dont you think?

there is a light that goes out

to die by your side, is such a heavenly way to die.

that girl.

i want light blue distressed denim shorts and pretty by elizabeth arden. i like flight of the conchords and the butterfly effect. i like dancing in the rain in high heels and wearing other people's identity bracelets. i hate you and your stupid copycat self. read a different magazine for crying out loud. you think youre better than me and you shop at target. cmon, i hate your hair i hate your smile i hate your clothes i hate your house i hate your family, pretty sure i just hate you. i said i was gonna play nice. but then, that wouldnt be being true to my real feelings. i like vintage hairbands and 80's rollerskates. i hate spandex and i hate prom pictures. yves saint laurent and wildfox couture is my favourite, i know im better than you. i want to go back in time to where there is no lights and i could carry a candle around up stairs to a tower somewhere. oh, how i despise you. i love greece and spain and france and the whole of europe. you said you like it too. that theyre your favourites. well go to hell. i dont want you to be like me. i dont want you to eat sunflower seeds and wear red lipstick like me. i want you to go somewhere else. somewhere where i am not. then you can do whatever the hell you like. just leave me out of it. you copy me then betray me and tell me im nothing. why do you copy me then? why do you freaking tell me im so bloody awesome. i never liked you. i just put up with you. dont bitch about me dont copy me dont even look at me. just go to hell.

bacardi

i cant believe it, how long will it take before it slows? my eyes hurt, they sting with the pain and memories of too many years, too many years chasing butterflies that dont really exist and you dont exactly give a damn. i want to go out in the rain and sing without an umbrella, who will sing with me that wont ever leave? coz id like to choose them, to wear a floppy straw hat and dance to the techno bit in coin laundry with me. Im sooo tired, pretty sure i drunk too much and now the words of cajun dance party are alot more meaningful than ive ever found them. im trying to find the meaning of life in amylase. you can never help out too late. i decorated my wall today. you hurt me alot as well you know. i almost started crying, and water is not okay when its coming from my eyes okay. even if im not wearing makeup. willl you please go back into the creek, im going back into the ground for a long long sleep and im going to stay there till youve gone very very far away. then im going to sleep forever and ever while images of you in daisy chains go through my head. i wrote this in a whole song, i like the song butterfly,its abit eminemmy aha but i dont care im going to wear a beret and dance on the top of a taxi and im gonna scream at the top of my lungs and wear sequins and something totally innapropriate and screw you, you cant keep trying to drown me. coz thats what im doing, drowning in your boringness. your like a vampire, suck me dry of all my fun, and well fuck you. ill do what i want and ill drink what i want and ill sing as loud as i like. happy endings arent just in boooks you know. well ill seal this with a kiss. thankyou miss.

everytime you forget that your blair wardolf, remember that im chuck bass and i love you.

you have shining eyes, yes like those forest lights. and it makes me want to cry. i sit here and watch through the flames and i cant decide if i feel guilt or nothing.its not really an emotion. its more like what i know i should be feeling. oh well. i guess i did alright, i can forget it. Yet everytime i look around my eyes catch the shiny shiny things like those forest lights and they remind me of your sparkling eyes and how we said goodbye.

piano lessons can be murder

when i cant think straight and my life seems surreal like a dream, i write lists. today i wrote a list. i wrote list upon list upon list. i have to redesign my life, become self actualised. i paint my nails black and sit cross legged in the city and take photos of brick walls. I play with fire because im reckless, and i want, more than anything, to get burnt. Something to jolt me into the reality i never found. i take everything for granted. i light candles and wear flowy dresses while i sleep in the middle of the field with long grass behind my house. I say things i never should have said, because i take it for granted that i can get out of it. i run in the morning for a long long time. i run so much that i collapse, and it makes me happy. i just have all this frustration in me that i have to get rid of. i drink iced tea and put rose petals with my ice blocks. I need to open my windows and write more lists. ill put my books in a row on my desk, neatly and in a basic colour scheme. i shall stop dreaming about fields and dresses and hotels and love and walking on air.i will drink coffee instead of iced tea, and read books about countries instead of notes from a teenage underground. i dust my things with a feather duster and its fun, i organise the magnets on the fridge so they take up only a small space. i turn off my lisa mitchell album, and exit tumblr. i shall write my lists and stick them on my walls. i will read proverbs and follow the right path. i need to start over, and this time, i need to do it right.

its like being woken up from a dream of which you understood everything. like being pulled on each side, and having to choose between a two forked path. im walking on air, yeah im singing the melody of the unknown. is a tune enough to base a relationship on? i want to talk to you in the real world, not through static connection. i hate suprises. you know those rides that spin you in circles over and over until you feel sick? the kind that everybody hates. well, not me, sometimes i feel like i could spin forever. Coz then everythings all jumbled up and you cant tell which way is up.i like not knowing where im going in life, it makes everything seem like a game. its like alice in wonderland. i wish someone would give me a drink that made me see things differently. that gave me agility and kaleidescope eyes. i wish i knew more about life. i want to go to the places that only exist in my mind, im sick of imagination, i want you to be here with me in real life and then i can hold you so close to me that you forget what its like to be alone. my nails are painted redder than a neon stop sign and i want to make a dress out of charms and draw permanent marker eyes on my skin, so i see beyond what is before me. id like to hire a limo and climb out of the sun roof while and drive through vegas. Itll be exciting and enlightening. ill be enveloped in brightness. bright lights make my eyes hurt sometimes, and then they sting coz im tired too. im tired of this. i feel like curling up on my bed with the fan on and window open, then shutting my eyes and drifting off into a long dreamless sleep.

and she would fall like grass before the blade.

one day ill wake up and my eyes shall be opened. ill hear the music ive heard dozens of times before, but this time ill hear the song. you raise me up higher than highest, and suddenly i can see more than the picture, yeah i can see radiance. ill do drugs and shut my eyes while i spin in circles accross the field. the sun will shine, but it will rain at the same time and my dress will be see through. you make me want to dance on my tiptoes, i want to run accross the path of an oncoming train and scream as loudly as i can, just to make me feel alive. do you want what i want? do you want to fly with the birds and take pictures of make believe castles that exist only in my imagination? ill dress up in silver cotton and denim shorts, and i shall have a wooden peace bracelet.Then i shall climb to the top of the lighthouse and blow kisses to the imaginary godesess of hope and love.i have tropical fish swimming in my whitsundays island glass, theyre fake.i like the way you make me feel you know. like the bubbles racing to the surface from underwater. ill jump on hotel beds as high as i can and yeah theres gonna be mirrors on the ceiling. ill drink iced tea and pink champagne on ice, do you want me still? im a bad ass girl from the confines of a smoked up town in west australia, and im living wild. i shall play layla as i lose myself in substance. i wont eat for days and ill take photos as i fall rom a long way up, and my hair will be long and windswept and itll capture my essence. you wish you were me, but im intangible, like the mountains and the wind, yeah im like the characters in books. you cant be me, you cant even try. im unnatainable. i was raised from the dust and to the dust i shall return. i am as deep as the ocean blue, i am the truth in liars, i am the feeling of utter ecstacy, the smile that sits on the lips of the boy that nobody knows. and you only wish you could understand.

said one to the other

im a walking dreamer on this cobbled road i know so well. this locked door, this empty draw. im not a key, i don't have a map, no directions to your core. im on the other side of the fence, i live in a different world.there is no entrance and there is no exit. i reside here, yeah its kinda nice. four stone walls and my imagination is in overdrive.Its the world i created from those well turned pages in the secret garden as a child. its the tie i have to you, the one that cant be broken no matter how far away i travel in the opposite direction. its the taste of poison, that feeling of standing so close to the edge. i want to go back in time and rewrite my life. it would be so lovely, to shut my eyes and never open them again. dont you think?

do you dream what i dream?

i dream of the ocean. its the same colour as my nails, and the blue on my iced tea bottle and sometimes the sky.i wish i could reach out and touch it, run along the beach ankle deep in water, as fast as i can, until i cant hear myself think coz of the wind in my ears, and the thoughts rushing through my head with more force than the waves themselves. My eyes are like a kaliedescope of everything, i see so much further than the surface.words and images are all around me, words spelled out into the air in invisible light paintings, big tipped paintbrushes soaked and bleeding letters out into the air that nobody will ever read. As a background picture the ocean is still there, colours spinning and my mind is bubbline over with thoughts and happiness even though im tired, im soo sooo tured, i wish i could touch the stars, i wish i could sip iced tea while im resting. i wish i could wear wildfox couture and dance to layla on the sand. i want to throw a glass full of glitter off the end of the jetty without killing all the sealife. i wish i could eat grapes more coz theyre expensive and i wish i had a fishtank full of tropical fish. I wish i was self actualised like ashley in new york minute, except i hate the olsen twins. i want ot be different i want to be as light as a geather, i want to have pictures of peacocks on my walls and i want to have lookbook.nu party coz theyre fashion is mad. i wish i could run forever and sometimes i want to stay aseep. i like glitter and peter pan, dreaming and running, playing chasey and hide and seel. im kind of hard to define.

she made herself a bed of nails, and shes planning on it using it too.

vivid and pretty. im dreaming as i walk these roads, more like stumbling actually. i need to start over, get some balance back. i dont want iced tea coz maybe im too addicted to things, and yeah i need to be independant. youre dancing and it makes me smile. i cant dance at all. sometimes i wish i could go back to being what i used to be, you know, relight my sparkle. im all feelings and no play these days. id like alot back. saturday nights, dancing, reading, friends and exciting holidays. i want to spend all my time at the beach and be excited over nothing imparticular and roll on the floor laughing. sometimes i want that back, not often. i mean certain aspects of it yeah. itd be quite lovely to have small doses of the old me injected into my new world.Now im a walking dreamer, i see what others dont and ive learned to know what i need over what i want, and yeah i need you. its not deniable, but those feelings make me want to climb back into my world of nothing coz maybe youve finally woken upto yourself and understood. You could have the whole world and im just a stepping stone. i might have moments of doubt of where i used to be and where im at now, but please, when it comes down to it, id choose you over anything in the whole world. question is, would you choose me?

congratulations, i hate you.

i dont want this anymore. in fact, i more than dont want it. i wish and wish and wish and sometimes i pray that it didnt happen. Im living in a life where i know im ruining everything. the respect is gone, i cant just live in a pretend world anymore. i cant wear flowy dresses and drink iced tea on ferris wheels. i cant say i love you, everythings gonna be alright, coz sometimes love isnt enough. i cant sit by the railway and race the train accross the field, coz one day this trains gonna come off the tracks, and its going to run me down. And i cant outrun it. i can run and run until the ends of the earth, but itll catch me, just like you did. And i shall be weighed down with untruths and lies till i simply cant run any longer. i need to go back, to the place i was before, im a prisoner here, i dont want to be in this tiny box okay? get me out of this cage, i cant do this anymore. i guess what i thought i wanted isnt what i wanted after all. somebody please save me from myself.

without you im nothing. and ive been nothing. for quite a while

youre looking, but you cant find me. Well its too late for reconciliations now, ive already left. gone. ill sit on the stairs, resting my head againt the bannister as i think about you.i love you so much i think i might actually hate you. i'm gone, you replaced me. what used to be me is now you. im a mixture of the best and the worst of us both. i smile and you start smiling. you start crying and yeah ill sit right next to you and cry too. me is gone, me is over. i want to walk for a long long time, and collect seashells on the beach. i talk out loud and im throwing my words into the sky. but secretly i want you to hear them, i need you to hear me, to know what i mean, to know what you mean to me. i want to sit in a treehouse and take polaroid pictures of rainbow windchimes. i want to find a vineyard with mazz and eat pomegranates like in songs of solomon. i want you to go as far away as possible so i dont lose my sense of feeling. i have to be myself, i dont want to be alone, i just want to be original. i want you to be a part of me. i know you inside out and yeah i want that back.you are me now, we are each other. ask me and your really asking him. ask him and you might as well just ask me. but thats still original see. its just us in my world where everything is as it should be, and i can run and you shall never find me.

im staring up at the stars and my thoughts are calm even though i dont feel that way. i breathe in and out on counts of seven,coz i dont like to think about whats actually on my mind. I like to think about every possible thing else in this world other than that. i shut my eyes but the stars are still there, theyre burned into my sight. Just like the words you said to me, yeah theyre engraved on my heart. i can't get over it, i can't put it behind me. i want to stop myself from doing this, i need to lock myself up. Somebody save me from myself. i wish i didnt care, i wish i could just open my eyes and the stars would be gone,a long with everything else that happened. i want to leave here, i want to sit in the shade far from here, just me and him, and ill wear white and he'll wear black.We'll talk about our dreams and nobody will be around to stop us from fulfilling them. other people dont matter when its just us, we have our own world, our own utopia.We'll drink iced tea and speak old fashioned, yeah we'll be stuck in forever. But when i open my eyes again, the stars are still there shining away, along with everything else. i cant escape, i guess im stuck here. call me stupid, call me naieve, but you don't have to try and make me feel bad. when it comes down to it, living with yourself is more than enough.

its in the abc of growing up

somewhere in this world there's a place where there is nobody else is, there's nobody and nothing. thats where i want to be. i dont have to be the one who ruins everything.i dont have to be the one that lets you down. i can just climb into this empty world where emotions dont exist and then i cant hurt anymore. i want to run and run, past this town, past this life, past this time. there's no finnish line, no final destination, ill just run and run, streaming past every person who wants me to slow down. then i shall run to the ends of the earth where i shall start again.

dont waste your youth growing up

i know youre pretending. but i dont want to know okay? i want to run as fast as i cant owards the ends of the earth and fall for a long time, through clouds, through stars, through time, anything thats not now.i dont want a watch, i dont want a sundial or a compass, i want me, the world and a whole lot of absolutely nothing. i lined up every iced tea bottle i had on my desk and reminds me of all the times that i dont want to ever forget. i want to lie on a beach at night time in something floaty and look up at the sky while someone plays classical gas on guitar. and it will make me sleepy and dreamy. i want to buy coffee for everyone in the cafe line on day, and ill be the starbucks fairy, and itll make me happy coz its nice to make other people's day you know? stop pretending, im starting to dissapear, your lies are disintegrating my image so intricately pieced together with truths.i have to run, im going to run and run until my thoughts are so loud i cant hear my voice, and im going to have to confess every untruth my mouth ever uttered in order to keep us here.But thats why sometimes its easier just to slip away into my dreams, where ill go to france and sleep in a vineyard. ill pick grapes and make myself learn to adjust to repetition. ill perfect the art fo doing the right thing, coz i dont want to be the one always bringing us down, i want to start over. i dont like having a reputation, i want to be unpredictable like the wind and never bring you down with me again.

it's making a wish you know wont come true.

i feel like im in a dream.my heart beats yet my mind isnt in sync. i sit crossed legged by the bubbling fishpond.Its late and in my mind im someplace else, somewhere with magic and dancing, a place where nothing is serious. the only sound is the fountain but i can hear music.its perfect, but still incomplete. i want alot, but at the same time i want nothing at all. i dont want a knight in shining armour, i have him already.he is my lighthouse for those moments i feel like im drowning at sea.those times when i start to lose my grip on reality and sink into that place in my head that only i can see.The place that nobod else can go. its beyond your imagination.i dont like order, i like variation and daydreams.i dont want you to map out my life, i want to dress up in all my clothes at once and stand on the very edge of a tall building where ill spread my arms like in titanic.i want to lie on a traintrack and whisper secrets to the wind. i dont like this routine, all these plans.i want to be reckless and board a train to somewhere i dont know. ill drink iced tea out of a san pellegrino bottle and wear black wayfarers that make me mysterious. i don't want to have to worry anymore. i don't want to have to try and cheer up the ones that are drowning in the misery of their real worlds. i cant de-stress you, i cant take away your fear of becoming what you like least. it's what you have to do yourself see.i want to sharpen all my coloured pencils and take pictures of them in black and white.i want to find what im looking for, yeah im seeking solace.dont call me naieve because i believe theres hope, dont try and drag me out of my world. it might not be reality, but its real nice in here.