she killed it with kisses and from it she fled.

there is no reason to feel this way. i want to get lost in an andy warhol lifestyle; i want to capture how i feel on film. I want to be the change id like in the world. except, i don't really want to change the world, just how i see it. if i shut my eyes im somewhere else. not here in this suffocating blase routine perth life, in my dreams im in new york maybe, or switzerland. somewhere fascinating and exciting. i dont like the fact that i can lose what i love most. Some things are irreplaceable, and i dont want to feel the hurt that comes with losing. but i wont let that stop me. sometimes i just want to do anything that will make me feel alive. Running through cobbled streets and swinging around lampposts in the rain while i ruin my shoes will make me happy and its a feeling i cant capture on camera. I can't grab it, slip it in my pocket later for reminiscing. when its over, it's gone. nothing can bring it back. i want to wear a million dollar white dress with diamonds on the hem, and then i shall wear no makeup except for blackest of black mascara. Then i shall drink champagne and wear it to the shops or school. i want to get high and run along the railway or climb to the top of the highest mountain without ropes. Every day, every minute, every second, im living life. i want to wake up in a penthouse on the top of a hotel in manhattan and jump on the bed because its so ridiculously expensive which makes it fun to treat it like its nothing. I like girls that dress up when there's nothing special happening, i like boys that know about history and films. i like buying expensive chocolates and champagne and then eating them at the skate park, coz its all about contrast. I dont like people that change their voices when they say something important, it's not real, you know? You cant depend on something that changes. then again, i am in love with everything thats intangible. like rainbows and the mountains and the wind, im in love with the sun that sends brightly coloured lights skittering accross shiny surfaces, like facing a cd into the sun. I wish i could do ballet and sit in a telephone box in main street while it rains. it would be red like the ones in london, and there would be black numbers on the telephone. i dont like art museums, but i like it when they have art displays in modern architecture. Abstract art, but not of people. i dont like paintings of people at all, especially not in houses. i like black nails and people with inspirational attitudes, they give you hope you know. I like it when someone shows no desire to be anything other than what they are, it makes everything more real; more genuine. Life isn't a game, you dont either win or lose. It's not about always trying to race other people, one person cant always have the perfect score in life. Nobody has that. im not trying to find anything better than what i have now. thats all i want out of life. to be happy with what i have. To be able to do what i like with no inhibitions and let other people's expectations fall away. to be excited about the small things, the things that everybody else overlooks and they go unnoticed. those things are what make me happy. Like expensive french towels and lindt chocolates, the finer things in life. i like crystal champagne glasses and pillow arrangements on king size beds. i like shiny pine floors and silver netting on my ceiling. Id like a starfish for my very own, to keep on my desk between my san pellegrino bottles and my melanie la'brooy book collection. i like japanese geishas ad silver anklets, i like wearing a locket that somebody else has the key to. Sometimes i wish i was cassie from skins, but then sometimes i kinda dont. Coz i dont want to be anyone else other than my self you know? i dont like that. i like me with my extensive vocabulary, and kaleidescope view, and you with your history books and your shining, shining eyes.