20.01.10

I feel like i'm lost. floating out to sea. i've had my mind on other things, and never even noticed how far i had drifted away from the shore. i don't have anything. or anyone. not here, with me. All i have is what is in my head, the thoughts and small voices that are a constant buzz in the back of my mind, always there. Two people in this world. That i care about, the ones that make me smile. Of course they live forever away, miles and miles, further away from the shore than i am. I'm so far i feel like sinking. the silence of the deep is magnetising, and sometimes i catch myself thinking that maybe to dissappear wouldn't be so bad. to be cold and unfeeling. At least there would be no loneliness. nothing compared to the way i feel now. It's like my heart can only handle a tiny bit of pressure, it must be treated with care. And right now i feel like my heart has been put in the washing machine. being tumbled around, thrown up against the metal doors, being hit from every side. Well i'll take it out. here, have my heart. two people in this world. and theyre not here. with me. My heart doesn't want to know anymore. so have it. hang it on the washing line, paint it with silver glitter and hang it on your christmas tree. i don't care. and i won't ever again if i give my heart away. so here.i don't want it anymore. because all i feel is hurt. the way i miss them. its yours now. consider it a gift.