17.12.09

lets pretend we're back at the beginning. Before i knew that black didn't always mean black. Before i tried to replace you, before i tried to fit into the background, become the wind. I was just a little girl sitting in a teacup, you had cats eyes and a lion in your bed. Who were you to tell me i didn't belong? At least i found my way. Not where i thought i would, it wasn't hidden in the words. it was hidden in me. i just had to find it. you weren't accepted, not by me. You were still there, i was just undecided. I know now that you're just not replaceable. But i tried, i tried to poke my life back through the keyhole you had created, and i drank of the glass that said drink me. Poison doesn't matter, it doesn't call my name. Neither do you anymore. Because it's not before. It's now, here. We're breathing. together .And it's real, but i wish it wasn't. Because i accepted you finally, but the power lies in your response. And i'm scared you'll say no. i'm thinking that maybe Alice isn't in Wonderland anymore.