juxtaposition. 9/11

it's the art of the unknown. that split second moment before you jump out of the sky, that feeling of not knowing whether your choice is wrong or right, but choosing not to care. its dazzling white lights that settle in your mind, the feeling of wet grass underneath your feet as you spin in circles on the sand. tiny raindrops melt the ice that is the world and suddenly i'm swimming in my hopes and wishes. i don't drown coz in my head i know it's only a dream, the white powder lining my throat is playing games with me, nothing is real. shells play music and it's a song ive heard a long time ago, but i just cant place it. somewhere quiet underneath a table of phone books is where i heard it, with the phone cord dangling in front of me like a ribbon in front of a cat. and thats what i wanted to be, til i was six. a little cat who had the freedom i have now. to drink magic and to play cards with animals that talk. some people don't understand me. its because i'm not real. it's my essense, i am unnatainable like the wind. i don't play games except with myself. for the mist rises each day and takes me away with it. when you shut your eyes at night thats when i come out. i am with you in the darkness always. but you never know when youre awake. coz when you wake i disappear. gone, until you next close your eyes. and the whole time, im on the brink of your mind. youre thinking about something lovely in a secret world and youre thinking about me at the same time, but you cant quite put the two together. there's a veil over your eyes, but it's just me weaving lace across the world. tieing it up in a big bow like a ribbon. presentable, see the world is now a ten out of ten. ill leave you with a scoreboard and a pencil, then i am gone again. unknown, dissapeared. the uncut agony of a broken heart, the searing pain of cutting out my lungs. it's ok, i don't need to breathe. i breathe through my skin. my skin's lit up and my fingers tremble, but the air seeps through my pores infilitrating my blood. give me a ten out of ten like the world. im hanging from the sky, my heart is on a train somewhere, my words are locked in caged bubbles floating across the universe. i am nothing but my very self. my flesh. i have no soul. my mind is worthless. my heart feels nothing but coldness. its a coldness i cannot wake up from. and that makes me scared.