i know that what i want is wrong. i know that the thoughts that claw at my insides, desperate for a say, will eventually take hold of me. It's an obcession, every time i look in the glass i feel it stir inside me. I can taste my own disgust rising. fashion is the healthiest motivation, well i'm motivated by fashion then. it's a healthy problem. I can't let her beat me, i can't let anyone beat me. i can feel it underneath my fingertips, so soft, so horrible. I want to tear it to pieces and never let it ever happen again, but i can't. I don't want to fight these thoughts, i want to embrace it. i dream of fasting, i dream of having nothing ever again. I tell others not to think like this. i'm a hypocrite. I want this badly, i want to be nothing.