We blurred at the edges, it and me. Together we became one big seeping, crawling thing.

sadness hums quietly through my insides as i stare blankly at the wall.
Sometimes i feel like i'm drowning. I'm kicking and screaming whilst i splash hopelessly about in giant oceans of sadness. Giant bodies of water that seem to open up from below and swallow me whole.
I scream for help, of course.
Nobody hears me though. If they do, they don't let on.

of course.

I try and make sense of it all in my head sometimes. The way those fleeting moments of happiness can lift you up so high, yet all it really does is create a further distance to fall.
I wanted you. I wanted you more than I've wanted anything else in my life.
(lying on your bed smoking and giggling as you sang to me, in between kisses)

i spent my whole life searching for happiness and suddenly there it was. Staring out at me as i tumbled from one giddy day to the next, smothered in love and buttered with affection.
I drop my hairbrush on the floor and it clatters loudly. I open the fridge too quickly and the milk rocks precariously on the edge of the shelf before spilling to the floor. I mess up.
You stand silently on the other side of the room.
i'm standing in the ocean and it swallows me up.

of course.