All the hearts we broke, all the decisions we thought would matter. Those nights spent in somebody’s arms, people whose names now escape us. It’s an underlying current, an emotional whirlwind where we all put feelings on the lines for taking risks. All the times we took our chance on love. All the times it failed us.
We’re all just broken, lonely souls wondering how to get out next fix. Drugs, alcohol, love, thrills, obsession, sex, manipulation, lies; it’s all the same. A roundabout of momentary pleasure, cheap thrills that dance along your consciousness, swaying precariously on the bridge between uncaring and regret.
You sit there with your eyes glazed over as she tells you all the ways you could draw your life up from the ground, what a fucking shining star you could make of yourself. Her eyes aren’t so much enthusiastic as they are pleading. Because she pities you really. Watching you turn to danger and destruction, watching you turn it into a lifestyle. But your expression remains the same, as always. Because caring is so much harder than remaining impassive. Hating so much easier than admitting love. Finding something to pour your heart and soul into akin to telling everyone your innermost secrets.
So you choose the kaleidoscopic pleasure of living cheaply. Cheap thrills, cheap friends, cheap life. Because you’re clever.
Just not clever enough.
Beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI've actually had this open in my browser for a few hours now with the full intention of replying. But the distracting internets took hold and it's coming up to half 2 in the morning.
So I'm sorry if my coherence is hindered. I don't think this comment is going to fully justify what you've written here because of this.
In short, I really like it.
Your words seem to flow, as if you wrote this on a whim, you didn't turn back at any given point, you let it all out, in one short burst. But before this, you had spent a long time mulling over the emotions and your reasons for saying what you have said here.
I imagine you're saying this to a brother. An older brother. Someone you're meant to look up too, someone you're meant to respect. But instead, their lifestyle fails to full fill their potential.
Your choice of words is also interesting, if not very daring. You stick to the basic definitions and don't mingle in the pleasure of twisting the vocabulary. Perhaps this is to pronounce your point to whoever this is aimed at even more so. Or perhaps little thought went into the wording, intentionally leaving more left more emphasis on the message at hand.
Either way, beautiful.
I'm yet to read through your earlier work, but assure you I will do.
Also, I was planning on writing this anonymously, but it's not going to let me.
Please continue to fill your little slice of the internet with such work. Your use of English is a tribute to the language itself.
Sorry again for lack of ability to string a sentence together, I hope my meagre attempt at a compliment is not offensive.
All the best, your fan.
~ Sniff.